Surrender. That has been the theme of my life lately. I have surrendered a gazillion times most recently, and am puzzled as to why I'm still getting it so wrong. I don't get it. I lay it all down, I mean all of it. And still, I am so far off the mark that I miss the target of God's will altogether.
And then, today, thanks to God, I get it! God showed up this morning! He showed up and met me during my bible time. He sat down beside me, and gently showed me my messed up ways. I wake every morning and dive into the word. I love this time! It's bright and early, I spend time studying His word, and seeing exactly how it applies to me. During my bible time, I usually end up surrendering again. Laying it all down. And then, I get up, dust myself off and get on my merry way. I walk away and do and go as I see fit. I desire to accomplish God's will in my life and I strive towards that. However, as I walk away from my bible time, I take over from there. I feel like I have the tools and knowledge necessary to conquer the world. But that is just it, I cannot conquer the world. So God met me this morning at 5:00am and showed me. "But all your feverish plans are to no avail because you never asked for help. He is the one who planned this long ago." -Isaiah 22:20. I get up, walk away and continue on my merry way, on my merry path. And immediately, my aim is way off. I constantly use prayer as a last resort, after I have tried everything, and there's nothing left to do. I'm convinced that I've got it this time.I am not better than the nations that Isaiah is pleading with in Chapter 22. I can study the bible every day, I can surrender a gazillion times, but if I do not seek him, if I just continue walking and doing on my own, His Word has gone in one ear and out the other. I must ask for his help with every step, every word, and in every way. I desire His perspective and His Way. I cannot do it on my own father. I surrender. Help me father! I want to take the yoke that you have offered upon me, so that I can lean on follow you. I want to seek you first, for when I do not, it is a disaster.
Father, I am so sorry that I have been so dumb. Thank you so much for showing up this morning, even when I did not ask. God, forgive me for my repetitive mistakes. I pray right now, and help me to continue to pray with every step that I take, every word that I speak, and every way in which I go. Help me to take your yoke up me, so that I can lean on and walk in your steps and direction only. I do not want to stray in my own direction any more. Lead me. I love you so much father! Thank you for loving me enough to show me how wrong I was. Thank you for your way, not mine. I love you so much father! So today, I am on my knees. And pray, for help to get up, for my next step.
In Jesus Name-
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